©bigjettardis

scientificenterprise:

my role at family functions is to look the best and to drink the wine

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fruitbat46:

my ideal weight is the weight of me holding eight puppies

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dutchster:

when the doorbell rings and i know it’s the pizza guy

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shedresseskindaprochoice:

My sister is obsessed with Prince George and I regularly get snapchats of him

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(Source: aleriehightower)

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guy:

"hey! you can only have one!!"

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(Source: guy)

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"aw that sucks :("

me as a professional therapist  (via losergirlfriend)
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guy:

yeah baby i am an ANIMAL in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day

(Source: guy)

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(Source: mindykaeling)

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wurnbo:

did i allow u to have fun without me

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drarna:

i may not be your cup of tea but i’m your 10th shot of tequila

(Source: neptunain)

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moltres:

overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them

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a guide to uk cities for foreign people

  • manchester: gays. you will probably get mugged.
  • liverpool: like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
  • newcastle: probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
  • leeds: it's a lot cheaper than london
  • bradford: leeds but awful
  • nottingham: gun death capital of the uk!
  • derby: intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any fucks about this.
  • hull: violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
  • leicester: i'm not sure this is a real place
  • york: this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
  • birmingham: NO.
  • brighton & hove: more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
  • portsmouth: there is literally nothing here.
  • southampton: exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
  • bristol: you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
  • cardiff: you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
  • plymouth: post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
  • penzance: everyone here is from london now.
  • london: no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
  • cambridge: windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
  • oxford: same number of cunts as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
  • edinburgh: a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
  • glasgow: it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
  • aberdeen: las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
  • belfast: do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
  • wolverhampton: really, really don't.
  • norwich: count people's fingers. mutations walk here.
  • coventry: like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
  • sheffield: poster-child for world war 3. good luck finding somebody with teeth.
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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m73zwlPbNs1r3hy9wo1_cover.jpg

Artist: Arctic Monkeys
Track: Fluorescent Adolescent
Album: Unplugged


Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent (Acoustic)

(Source: perhapsfckoffmightbetookind)


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swatchdogsanddietcoke:

just found a cornflake in my bra if you’re wondering how my easter break is going

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